Throughout 2020, I've been uncompromisingly optimistic. No matter the challenges or hardship I faced, I looked at it through the eyes of optimism. Even though friends were losing jobs and businesses, extended family and friends were dying from COVID-19, and I lost countless hours of sleep from a new baby, I felt optimistic. As I sat down to write this year in review post, I finally realized how hard 2020 has been for me. This year, I failed to meet many of the goals I set out to complete. This year, I watched my mom's health deteriorate. This year, I asked myself on more than one occasion and in more than one context, "am I good enough to do this?" I don't feel sad or depressed about the shortcomings, but I feel I've grown in meaningful ways. I don't feel like this year was a "throwaway" or that I "lost a year"; instead, I feel exhausted from the constant refinement and metamorphosis.

Baby

In January, a baby joined our family. I spent two months on paternity leave taking care of her and helping around the house. Newborn babies bring unparalleled joy to a home and family. However, their inability to sleep for more than three consecutive hours is a special hell they leave in their wake. For about five months, Bethany and I traded off waking up with the baby, fed her, changed her diaper, and got her back to sleep. The feeling of waking up at 1 AM and then again at 4 AM for an hour's bedtime routine is not one I can describe. Now our daughter is closing in on her first year of life, and she walks around the house as if she owns it. Her small steps remind me of the good things that have happened to me this year and the good things that are to come. 

Writing

I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't even come close to my 2020 goal for writing. Combining a new baby, taking on complex writing topics, and insurmountable writer's block didn't make it any easier. While I'm disappointed in my writing volume, I'm proud of the pieces I did manage to write. I managed to write about racism and how racism impacted my life. How Racism Shapes My Habits represents my best and most challenging writing. It inspired me to write about more than technology and music and write about broader impact topics. 

Reading

I managed to achieve my reading goal of 24 books this year. I read some great books in 2020, but I'd say my favorites were a virtual tie between Volume Control: Hearing in a Deafening World and Go Ahead in the Rain: Notes to a Tribe Called Quest. These books scratched different itches for me. Volume Control is all about the auditory system and how loud environments like restaurants and public spaces harm our hearing. As someone who listens to music on a low volume and actively avoids loud environments, it gave me a map and terminology to express my views on loud spaces. 

Go Ahead in the Rain gave me space to reminisce on my favorite band and helped me rediscover the genre-defining music of A Tribe Called Quest. 

Books were a unique escape for me this year. They were my entertainment, they were my comedy, and they were my education. 

Favorite Things 

Zwift

Zwift is an online cycling and running platform. Zwift takes indoor cycling and running and turns them into something gamified and fun. I started using Zwift in March when the COVID-19 lockdowns first started in Utah. Zwift kickstarted my 2020 cycling season and provided a fun community for me to ride and converse. Now that Utah winter is in full force, I'm back on Zwift, and it's just as fun as I remember.

Readwise

Readwise is a highlight aggregation platform. It stores highlights from web services like Pocket and services like Apple Books and Kindle and keeps them all in one place. With the highlights in one place, you can use them to recall, search, and reference them. I use Readwise every day, and it's helped me rediscover things I learned years ago. Readwise is well worth the price of admission. 

Duolingo

I started using Duolingo in January. When I woke up with my newborn, I did Duolingo lessons while she tried to fall back to sleep. Sometime toward the middle of the year, I subscribed to Duolingo Plus when I got sick of ads and running out of Duolingo currency. I'm closing in on a 365-day streak, and I imagine this practice is here to stay. 

2021 Goals 

Respond to email

In the act of self-preservation, I became unreasonably neglectful at email this year. If I owe you an email, I'm genuinely sorry. I will do better in 2021 by scheduling time on my calendar for email. 

Ride

Between my Zwift membership to get me through the winter, plans to buy a new bike in the Spring, and a handful of registrations for century rides, I'm ready for the 2021 year of biking. Let's get it!

Write

I'm committing to writing one piece a month in 2021. Watch for me on your RSS feeds.

Relax

Relaxation is a big struggle for me. I'm going to improve by scheduled downtime, spending some time without internet access, and trying my hand at mindfulness meditation. I don't expect everything to stick, but I suspect engaging in these practices will help me relax and improve my mood. 

Final Note

2020 provided unique opportunities to give back and be charitable. From community organizations to food pantries to occasional GoFundMe campaigns, there were many opportunities to give. While unemployment, food insecurity, and death are emotionally draining to rally around, I felt a sense of community and humanity in rallying and helping. I suspect 2021 will be better for many small businesses and people struggling this year; however, many will still be homeless, food insecure, sick, and dying. I promise myself not to lose my sense of charity. Not just to those in life-threatening situations, but to those who sincerely need a hand. I'm here to help and don't hesitate to reach out.